BP66
Just before Jesus introduced the parable of the Prodigal Son, He tells us in Luke 15:10, I tell you, there is joy before the angels of God over one sinner who repents.
Yes, what a time-stopping moment it is when spiritually blind sinners have their eyes opened by amazing grace and they see Jesus for who He is: the divine Son of God. Being born again, I believe, is the most earth-shaking miracle that occurs on this terrestrial ball after the inimitable death and resurrection of Jesus Christ! Only divine power can transform the lost human soul into one that is found.
Being born again involves a spiritual death and resurrection. It leads to the creation of a new self within the believer. The old has gone; the new has come. A person alienated from God suddenly has access to the sovereign divine Being who created everything. Previously bound for eternal separation, the individual who confesses that Jesus is Lord is now promised eternal life in the Presence of the King.
Becoming a believer in Jesus is such an amazing event on the stage of eternity that Jesus says God’s angels rejoice when a sinner repents.
We know that the confession of sin that Jesus refers to in Luke 15 appears just before the story of the lost son. Accordingly, we can deduce that this repentance appears to be the turning from sin and the turning to God that occurs at the moment of spiritual rebirth Jesus speaks of in John 3:3-8.
Of course, we know from scripture that there is another repenting that occurs beyond the initial moment of conversion, namely, the daily acknowledging of sin that occurs in the life of the person who already knows Jesus as his or her savior. 1 John 1:9 alludes to this ongoing repentance when it says, If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. James 5:16 also refers to the occasions when those who already believe in Jesus confess their sins to one another.
These ongoing confessions address isolated occurrences of sin like a moment of anger during which you speak to or think about someone in a way that Jesus says is like calling another person a fool (Raca). Repentance could also occur in the wake of jealousy, sexual fantasies, tailgating someone during a road rage episode, cheating on your taxes, lying about how many pages you read for a class in college, or worshipping anything other than God.
So far, we have identified two types of repentance: first, the one that occurs at the moment of conversion as seen when the Prodigal Son comes to his senses and returns to his father only to say, I have sinned against heaven and before you; and second, the daily/moment by moment repentance that believers in Jesus practice as the Holy Spirit convicts them of sin and they then respond with godly sorrow and confession.
I want to identify a third type of repentance today that kind of falls between the first two types mentioned above. This third variety occurs primarily to an established believer (but could, I suppose, be a component of the repentant awareness that accompanies the new birth).
This third type of repentance is not simply remorse over an isolated sin here and there but repentance pertaining to a whole stratum of sin. It’s not a surface sin like a volcano here and there but the shifting of huge tectonic sin plates at the deepest level of the soul. This deep repentance happens when a believer experiences something like an epiphany (in the broader sense of the word).
One of the definitions the Merriam Webster dictionary has for an epiphany is an illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure. In our context here focusing on repentance, an epiphany happens when a Christian experiences a dawning awareness of sin in her life that she was not fully or even remotely aware of earlier. It can even manifest in a sudden realization brought about by a perfect storm of divine dovetailing factors.
Let’s consider two examples of this awareness of deep sin that often prompts repentance.
Brad had such an epiphany while in counseling for depression. As he recalled how his abusive, narcissistic father treated his mother, he slowly began to see that he also was a selfish man. No, he did not bully his wife and abuse her physically as his father had his mother. Brad’s sin was less obvious.
In fact, since his selfishness and blaming appeared far less blatant than the actions of his father, he did not see his behavior and attitude toward his wife as sinful. It took a constellation of events to open his eyes.
The self-awareness that accompanies healthy counseling was the beginning of his epiphany. But listening to a podcast on marriage, talking to a friend, remembering all the indirect comments his wife had made to him over the years, and reading a scripture passage on loving his wife as Christ loved the church all came together in one moment to birth an epiphany on the level of his mind and heart.
Brad’s awareness of his sin slowly grew until the eyes of his mind were fully opened to the truth that for two decades he had sexually manipulated his wife and made demands on her in other areas of their marriage that were patently selfish. He realized that he had not approached marriage as an opportunity to serve his wife but as an arrangement for her to serve him similar to how his father had coerced his wife to please him.
When Brad’s epiphany came into sharp focus, he felt like he had been hit between the eyes with a ballpeen hammer. The blow was devastating. He had never before realized just how selfish he was. Godly conviction and guilt rushed in but so did shame and accusations. Having grown up with a highly critical parent, he had internalized his father’s harsh voice and so responded to the awareness of his selfishness with intense self-condemnation.
Of course, the enemy of his soul further inflamed the condemnation with additional accusations until any mercy or grace he might have experienced from God were totally eclipsed by self-loathing. He experienced fantasies of getting into his car and speeding into a concrete bridge abutment.
Fortunately for Brad, the counsel of God’s word, his pastor, his friends, and his therapist all brought the same message to him: moments of awareness like these are not meant for his destruction but for his sanctification. They are occasions for both grieving and rejoicing–if they can be received.
Brad did receive his epiphany. He did not drive his car into a concrete wall. Instead, he grievously embraced the truthful state of his narcissistic heart and repented of his sin. Then he began the long journey of learning how to serve his wife instead of making her his lackey.
Miriam had a similar experience to Brad’s run-in with awareness. Through a series of events including a confrontation by her sister, Miriam arrived at an epiphany crossroads concerning her critical spirit. She had lived for years focusing on the mistakes and failures of others including her husband and children but had failed to recognize her critical spirit that was caustic and shredding. She did not see (or did not want to see) that her demeaning of others was like a corrosive acid that ate away at their spirits.
Ever since she was a little girl, Miriam had often felt abandoned by friends and family and had blamed this treatment by others on the belief that they did not know how to love her and so they could not be trusted. She consistently failed to recognize that her ugly criticism prompted people to withdraw from her presence. Her husband had been in critical condition for many years—close to death by a thousand cuts.
When Miriam’s eyes were finally opened and she saw for the first time the bullying nature of her critical spirit, she, like Brad, was devastated. However, unlike Brad, she recovered her old equilibrium quickly and rationalized her behavior as a justifiable reaction to being disappointed by all the people who had abandoned her.
Tragically, Miriam did not own her sin or repent of it. Instead, she denied her culpability and believed that the problem was other people.
Projection—like love–can cover a multitude of sins. It did in Miriam’s case. Not in a good way, of course.
So, what is the power of repentance epiphanies? Sometimes, it is the suddenness of these realizations. Usually, it is the weightiness of them that is so crushing.
To become aware of the gravity, length, or depth of your sin that you were previously blind to can be overwhelming. Such an awareness requires an accommodation within you–a paradigm shift. You cannot go on living the way you have been when such a level of realization rocks your world (unless you deny it like Miriam did and are willing to live with all the consequences like addictions, physical illnesses, and death of the true self).
A simple assimilation of the new truth about you will not suffice because receiving and believing such a core-level truth about yourself requires that you own it and allow it to change your life. You must confess. Repent. Turn away from your sin and turn toward God.
It is here where we see that such an epiphany is similar to the intense awareness of sin that often accompanies salvation. However, recognition of rooted sin is not limited to the moment of rebirth. It can occur on other occasions when believers see something in their behavior (more often, however, at the deeper level of attitude or personality) that calls them to confess.
If you ever encounter a moment of convicting truth like Brad and Miriam did, know that splitting can occur at these times. Satan does not want you to acknowledge your sin and turn to God for help and sanctifying. Accordingly, he will swoop in like the thief of John 10:10 intent on stealing, killing, and destroying.
Unlike God who turns a loving but bright spotlight on your sin to lead you to repentance and a closer relationship with Him, Satan shines a glaring search light on your sin with the intent of stealing the truth of your salvation, killing your faith in a loving heavenly Father, and destroying your identity as a child of God.
Splitting occurs when people experience themselves as all bad. There is no good in them even when they are walking with Jesus. God wants you to experience simultaneously the guilt of your sin but also the truth that there is no more condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Satan wants you to experience the guilt of your sin but also the truth that you are condemned and must, like Adam and Eve, run away and hide from the Presence of the loving Father.
As you practice the Presence of God, He will grow you; and make no mistake about–growth is always painful partly because it exposes the depth of your sin and brokenness. Even as a believer in Jesus.
Be prepared for God to tailor-make epiphanies in your life designed for repentance and growth. When you receive these epiphanies, you will draw closer to Him because you are no longer hiding something or trying to avoid God and others due to your sin. Your sin is washed away. All of it. You can then live a life of integrity and truth. The true self will emerge and the false self will slowly fade.
Some people like Miriam avoid epiphanies because they are accompanied by such powerful accusation from the enemy who loves to piggyback on God’s spiritual conviction. These individuals turn the accusations (and, more importantly, God’s truth) outward and shoot the messenger. They accuse those around them instead of looking at their own sin.
A great example of not receiving an epiphany but projecting the blame outward could have occurred when Nathan the prophet approached King David and informed him that he had sinned. David could have easily turned his wrath onto the prophet, the bearer of his conviction, and had his head cut off.
Thankfully, David looked inside and was able to own his sin despite the deep shame and accusation he must have experienced inside his heart at the message from Nathan.
We see two types of people in the world (yes, probably way too reductionistic) when a moment of potential epiphany repentance occurs: those who receive the truth about the log in their own eye and repent of their disturbing sin and those who look past the log in their own eye and quickly criticize the speck in the eyes of others.
You know some of these people. Sometimes they are us. They defend themselves at all cost when someone points out their flaws. They are untouchable with correction. An old proverb says, Whoever corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse, and he who reproves a wicked man incurs injury. Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you; reprove a wise man, and he will love you ~ Proverbs 9:7,8
To return to where we began this post, I believe that the angels in heaven rejoice when men and women repent and surrender to Jesus at the moment of spiritual rebirth but also when believers experience the conviction of the Holy Spirit and confess tap root sins that massively impact their growth toward maturity in Christ and their love for others.
Neither of these times of repentance are insignificant. Rather, they are cataclysmic, the first one impacting eternal destiny and core identity while the second one leads to Spirit-driven growth that makes a person more like Jesus. What could be better than being like the person you will be with forever? A servant God full of holiness, grace, mercy, patience, and unconditional love.
Always remember: the grace and mercy of God are the perfect ingredients required to look inside your soul and see the flaws and the residual brokenness from the Fall. His unconditional love makes it possible to own these dark aspects in your heart because you know that He will never leave you when you approach Him to confess them.
So, receive conviction and correction from the Holy Spirit and from wise men and women all the time, but especially when it has to do with spiritual plate tectonics at the bedrock level of your heart. Shifts at that level prompted by repentance cause the angels in heaven to rejoice. What a beautiful choir that must be.
Resist the epiphany and you grieve the Holy Spirit.
Repent and the angels of God rejoice.
For even if I made you grieve with my letter, I do not regret it—though I did regret it, for I see that the letter grieved you, though only for a while. As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us. For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death ~ 2 Corinthians 7:8-10