BP17 (a continuation of BP16)
Jeff and Amanda dare to enter the Forbidden Forest (FF) later that same night after Amanda’s summoning by the Bright One. They make their way through the dark woods aided by the light of illuminated signs that bear messages like, “Truth,” “Keep going,” and “Move toward.”
When they arrive at a small stream, silvered by the moon, Amanda finally realizes that the Forbidden Forest is calling her to honesty and transparency. Remembering the importance of a wake up call, she decides to stop resisting the invitation to intimacy.
Soon, she confesses to her husband the emotional bond that has been growing between her and her coworker, Ian. A heated discussion follows . . .
“Why are you so surprised I’m seeing another man?” Amanda retorted. “You’ve been gone so much the last five years that I see the cashier at the grocery store more than you!”
“And apparently your hospital colleague as well,” Jeff snapped back.
Amanda rolled her eyes and said, “And when you are home, you’re distant. You never ask me questions about my day or look me in the eye. When you do notice me, it’s for sex, of course, or to correct me for something I’ve done wrong.
“You are aware that you parent me, right?” Amanda adds. “You treat me like a child! I’ll have you know that I hate being condescended to by a man who acts like my father!”
“I’ve never tried to be your father!” Jeff parried.
“You don’t see it, but you treat me like a father! But Ian—” Amanda stopped in mid-sentence.
“Ah,” Jeff said with cutting sarcasm. “’But Ian’’—he elongated the two syllables of the name for emphasis. “I suppose lover boy treats you like you deserve. I go off and slave to make an income for us and try to get us in position for early retirement and what do you do? You step out on me!”
“I’m not—” she stopped again and changed direction. “You don’t seem to value me, so of course I’m vulnerable when a man shows me some attention. My father never showed me any attention and neither do you!” she stated, her voice dripping with accusation. “He was a slave to vodka and you’re a slave to work!”
Jeff got to his feet abruptly and began to pace around the small clearing in the forest.
“If we’re having marriage problems, that’s one thing,” he says bitingly. “But to deal with our problems by bringing a third person into our lives is a totally different matter. That’s called an affair, Mandy!” he yelled at her with more energy than he had demonstrated toward his wife in years.
Amanda rose to her feet as well and shouted back at her husband, “Well, you’re having an affair, too! It may not be with a woman, but you obviously love your job more than me. So, don’t point your finger at me, you—you hypocrite.”
“I already told you that I do my job to serve our marriage, Mandy!” Jeff yelled back at her as the veins in his neck stood out.
“Oh, don’t give me that self-righteous crap!” Amanda snarled back. “You know you love your job more than anything on this planet. There’s not an ounce of sacrifice in what you do.”
“Ouch!” Jeff exclaimed loudly. He stared at his wife for a long time with a gaze that could melt steel. Finally, his eyes drifted down to the forest floor and he tried to dislodge a rock with the toe of his shoe. He worked away at the rock for an eternity before he inquired, still not looking at her, “Do you love him, Mandy?”
Amanda took a deep breath and interlaced her fingers behind her neck as she stared at the dark canopy above her. “I’m not sure,” she remarked with less anger in her voice. “I just know that I feel so good when I’m around him. And I’m finding it harder and harder to not feel good. I’m tired of feeling unnoticed by you.”
She paused a moment and then added, “Honestly, Jeff, before tonight, Ian was first in my heart. Whether it’s love or not, I don’t know. What I do know is that he makes me feel special . . .noticed. I feel so incredibly good when he touches my hand and looks into my eyes. He says I’m the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen.”
It was Jeff’s turn to roll his eyes. “The most beautiful woman he’s ever seen. Really! That’s a lame pick-up line if I ever heard one, Mandy! You know that. And you fell for it?”
Amanda glared at Jeff and responded in a low voice, “I was hungry, Jeff. In fact, I was starving. I was going to be an easy target for the first man who showed me the slightest bit of attention.”
“You could’ve told me,” Jeff replied harshly. “You could’ve told me instead of running after other men.”
“Oh, I tried to get your attention!” Amanda snapped. “You were just too distracted by your critical projects and almighty crucial board meetings and the ever so sacred net profit margin. It’s always been the bottom line for you!” Amanda said accusingly. “She’s your lover!”
Jeff walked mechanically over to the stream and looked down into the silver waters. He continued to stare as he said in a detached tone, “And I know that Ian isn’t the only one, Mandy. You’ve had several men. Probably more than I know. In my head I’ve called you a whore.”
“What! How dare you call me that!” Amanda screamed with rage. “I’ve never slept with anyone besides you! I told you that! And you should’ve been truthful with me and told me that you knew!”
“Why, so I can get this treatment?” Jeff replied sarcastically as he turned to face her with flashing eyes. “All you can do is blame me when you’re the one at fault. That’s what I’ve always hated about you! You can never be wrong! It’s always the other person!” he spat out venomously.
Amanda sputtered and fumed but in the end was speechless until she stated in a flat voice, “Then go ahead and divorce me if I’m such an awful person. Just get rid of me and get on with your precious life.”
Jeff looks away from his wife and stares at the liquid silver flowing silently at his feet. “Maybe life is all about affairs,” he muses in a hushed tone. “Maybe we all hunger for something to love in this broken world but we so rarely, if ever, find it with another person.”
Amanda and Jeff continued their unprecedented honest communication in the Forbidden Forest for hours. The dark woods indeed showed itself to be a place of transparency for the couple whose marriage was teetering on the cliff of divorce. In the end, they arrived at the Meadow of Intimacy.
So, what is the Forbidden Forest? Certainly, it’s not a safe and easy place. It’s not comfortable to enter. Above all, it’s not a natural place for humans to venture into.
Designer Therapy for Life defines the Forbidden Forest as the habitat for intimacy. The place where relationship happens. The dangerous place where people are willing to share their deepest secrets.
But we so often avoid it like the plague.
You know you’re in the FF when one person turns to another and says, “I’m depressed and think about death often,” or “I’ve been praying for one good friend because no one really knows me,” or “I honestly don’t think I know how to love anybody,” or “There has to be more to life than what I’m experiencing,” or “I struggle with a critical spirit and lust,” or even “I’ve given my life to Jesus but I still feel joyless and hopeless. I’m one disappointment away from saying goodbye to faith.”
The Forbidden Forest has been referred to in earlier blogs. In fact, everything that has come before BP16 points to the FF. The Well is found in the Forbidden Forest.
So is the first of the Two Things: the inhaling of intimacy and love. In addition, the FF is the place of Presence, one of the most precious commodities in the universe. It is also here that we find the road less travelled.
In my decades of listening to people’s hearts, they have all told me that life is about relationships: Friendships. Closeness. Being known. So it is that the pursuit of intimacy needs to be the core of psycho-spiritual-relational (PSR) therapy.
Anything that interferes with the experience of withness needs to be identified and removed.
Being with God, others and even your own self is the reason you’re here. Alienation is the scourge of the universe and leads to death. Intimacy is the goal of life and must be attained at all costs.
If you experience all the pleasures this world has to offer but fall short of deep intimacy, you fall short of your purpose on this planet.
The loving Creator of the universe made us for love, intimacy, closeness . . . but we’re so easily distracted by far lesser things. It’s the whole mud pies thing C.S. Lewis talks about. We settle for less instead of something far better.
I think Lewis meant that mud pies are something we trifle with on our own while a holiday by the seashore is meant to be experienced with others. Not alone.
So, why is the forest forbidden? Why do all the signs tell us to keep out? Why does it feel like deep transparency and love are opposed?
God’s not the one who forbids you to enter the Forbidden Forest. In fact, He invites you there as the Bright One did in Amanda’s story. The enemy of your souls, the dark one known as Satan, he’s the one who forbids you to enter the FF because He knows that once you get past all the trees, roots, bushes, thorns, dark valleys and swamps, you will find yourself at the Meadow of Intimacy.
Then he’s lost you to Presence and to your loving Creator and to the rich purpose for which you were designed.
Your enemy wants to steal your friendships and kill your heart by isolating it. Every hour, he attempts to destroy the drawbridges that allow others close enough to know you. He wants you to settle for something, not someone.
For distractions, not God. For fleeting pleasures instead of deep conversations with friends that bare your soul not your body. For sex, not love. For knowing about someone but not actually knowing them. For intellectual pursuits that require your head but no connection with your heart.
You see, all love and relational closeness comes only as we venture into the FF and pursue intimacy. Brother Lawrence called it Practicing the Presence of God. A.W. Tozer referred to it as The Pursuit of the Holy. Ken Boa refers to it as Life in the Presence of God.
It’s natural for humans to stay out of the Forbidden Forest. So, you must be intentional about entering it. In your relationship with Jesus, He has chosen you and pursued you. Now you must seek Him. “You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13).
Faith is not about obeying God (trying to be good and following all the rules) so that He will then love you. Faith is about receiving His love for you and then responding by loving Him. The natural consequence, then, will be a desire to obey Him and to seek Him out as your best friend.
Above everything else, we’re designed for relationship. But if we’re made for the Forbidden Forest, why do we avoid being seen and loved? Here are a few reasons . . .
Some of you had a mother or father that you experienced as weak or overly emotional and you have sworn that you would never be like them. So, you locked up your emotions and threw away the key. How can you be known when you’re imprisoned in a dungeon?
Others of you hate goodbyes. Your throat tightens and your eyes sting every time someone leaves. So, you never get too close to anyone because you know it will hurt too much when they leave.
Yet others of you despise potential conflict and anger so much that you have become people pleasers who never set boundaries and let someone else run your life–often someone abusive or controlling.
Related to people pleasing is the practice of being a nice person. The problem with being nice is that most nice people aren’t real. They don’t live out of their true self. They nod their heads when they disagree. They smile when they’re angry. They have few opinions about anything. But then they’re left secretly angry at people for telling them what to do.
Jesus never calls you to be nice. Never. It’s far different than love that flows out of the true self. He wants you to remove every mask you hide behind.
Some of you are afraid of the intensity of your own emotions or afraid of what people will think of you if they are allowed to see you on a deep level. So, you stay out of the Forbidden Forest.
Dependency is often perceived as weakness. You’re afraid of being vulnerable. People will think less of you. They’ll shake their heads at you and talk about you behind your back. You’ll be seen as needy. Aren’t we supposed to stand alone and be self-sufficient and strong? Above all, don’t be weak is the mantra in our heads.
But doesn’t God say that He dwells “with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit”? (Isaiah 57:15) And isn’t He the physician who said that He came not for those who are well but for those who are sick? (Matthew 9:12)
Yet others of you numb yourself with distractions and addictions that serve as a barb wire fence around your soul; or with intellectual defenses that keep your heart off limits to everyone.
Then there’s the whole rebel thing. All of us have a hard-wired pride within us that claims autonomy, that insists we are a god to ourselves. Pride defies both divine and human authority and declares that it needs no one else. It is easily offended and blames others instead of looking inside first. Pride is a fortress that defends us, tragically, against love and intimacy.
So, there are many reasons we stay out of the Forbidden Forest. We all self-protect at the cost of intimacy.
Jesus entered human history to invite us into the Forbidden Forest. Why? Firstly, to come into a personal relationship with Him so that we can have life in a dying world.
Secondly, so we will spend the rest of our lives moving deeper into the Meadow of Intimacy. In that meadow, we will grow in our love for Him, for our friends, for our enemies, and even for our own selves. We will become like Jesus—a perfect blend of love and truth.
So, what are you waiting for? Defy the enemy and rise above your fear. Run into the forest. Jesus is summoning you at this very moment. Learn to practice Presence. You were designed for it and nothing less.
Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness [the FF], and speak tenderly to her ~ Hosea 2:14