BP75
Space is a critical concept according to Designer Therapy for Life. In physical space, we think in terms of width, depth, height, length, and volume. This material region I refer to as outer space. We often take physical space for granted but it is not available to all.
Even more amazing is another region of space. In psycho-spiritual space (inner space), I like to think in terms of width and depth. If the width (breadth) of our lives is preoccupied by things like busyness, obsessive thought patterns, addictive longings, any type of ongoing distraction, anxiety, or depression–to name but a few–we will not have available space to develop depth in our souls. If we do not have the space to develop depth, we will not grow. Growth of the soul always requires space.
Bear with me for one tangential paragraph.
In a similar fashion (even before we begin to talk about psycho-spiritual relational growth), we cannot even receive the person of Jesus into our lives (the moment of justification) without the creation of some type of space that affords us the opportunity for realization inside our souls. Space is required to repent and turn. There is no turning without room to turn.
The Holy Spirit creates that salvific space within us enabling us to open our spiritual eyes and ears and believe and confess (Romans 10:9,10). At this point, our minds are softened from stone to flesh, and the veil of darkness is removed from our hearts.
Thank God for this amazing work in our inner world when he pushes back the darkness that has blinded us since birth and gives us space to see Him for the first time.
Getting back to sanctification, since some people (even believers) prefer not to grow when push comes to shove, the preoccupations listed above that crowd our psychological (soul) space are often not dealt with.
Why don’t some people want to grow? There are so many reasons. One is that then they will see who they really are—under the light of soul-revealing scrutiny. Another reason is that they do not wish to endure the pain that accompanies growth. Yet a third reason is that then they may find themselves staring into the face of a God with whom they will have to deal. Even the God who is love created us to grow and experience fatherly discipline.
Back to space.
Some patients come to therapy with their lives on fire. There are so many emergencies to deal with on the width plane that no work of any depth can be done until these fires are extinguished. It is just not practical or possible to remodel the house when the basement is flooded, or the attic is ablaze. First things first.
Said another way, many people cannot grow because there is no space within them. All the psycho-spiritual space within them is occupied. Two of these inner tenants alluded to above are depression and anxiety. These two soul occupiers can take up all available space inside until a person cannot even think straight. All cognitive resources are devoted to worry when anxiety engorges the soul. Hope and planning are engulfed by depression. It is impossible to sail forward when a thousand anchors keep the boat riveted to the ocean floor.
One final analogy portraying the issue of soul space is an apartment building. When all units in the building are occupied, no new tenants are allowed to move in. The same is true with our inner space. If all the units inside us are already occupied by anxiety and depression related to psycho-spiritual preoccupations, there is no space available for Spirit-inspired growth to move in and transform us into the people Jesus created us to be.
Growth requires space to move into and move around in. Even intimacy cannot develop without space or energy to enable it. Thank God that the Holy Spirit is the Space-maker and the Evictor of unwanted tenants in our souls).
Lack of inner space can be unintentional or intentional. Hebrews 5:2 might distinguish between these two conditions with the phrase ignorant and wayward. We might be ignorant of the growth we need to move into, or we may be resisting the creation of that space (see three of those reasons listed above). Either way, we are missing out on what God has for us. Psychologically, we might say we are engaging in resistance (sometimes for valid reasons but always to our detriment). Spiritually, we could identify it as disobedience, self-sufficiency, or not trusting God to grow us.
I encountered an example of this lack of inner space in a person named George who had been a believer in Jesus for over ten years. He came into therapy with no psycho-spiritual space whatsoever. He certainly was not using the Well DTFL has discussed in several other posts. He was all Leakage and Volcano. He was a boiling pot with a lid on it. Anxiety and depression were leaking out all over the place, so much so that he was not sleeping well and unable to think clearly. He also was a Volcano that was so chockfull of lava that he erupted at the slightest trigger from those around him.
When someone like George comes to counseling with so many fires blazing away in the inner space, the first few months (or more) of therapy are spent not just building trust but also identifying the source of the Leakage and Volcanoing that are dominating his life and rendering relationships almost impossible. It was immediately clear that George had no inner space to absorb or contain anything. It all came out in anxiety, depression, and rage.
In addition to these three space-eaters, he felt upset with himself for being upset. He also felt depressed about being so depressed and anxious about his anxiety. He was stuck in a whirlpool that he had been swirling around in for years.
He did not seek help for a decade because he did not want to appear weak or needy. He did not want to be perceived as a poor example of an overcoming Christian.
What transpired in therapy explained why George had so many fires going on and zero inner space. After a dozen sessions of attempting to access his hidden heart, George began to push back. He sent the clear message that he did not want to go into the whirlpool. He did not want to open the door to his pain or change his fixed style of coping which was to gut things out without help. I soon wondered how much this self-sufficient approach to life had prevented God from being of any relevance to his life.
George was suffering because he had no inner space to turn, to grow, to do anything differently—and he did not want to do what it took to create space, namely, to ask or even allow God (and a limited human counselor) into the private space of his heart. He was being resistant psychologically and spiritually he was not trusting anyone outside of himself to help him. Pride and the suffering that would come when he opened his heart and the fear of the unknown all held him hostage.
George was stuck. More accurately, since he had no space to grow, he was sliding backwards. His symptoms were getting worse. As has been mentioned in other posts, there is no neutral. It is only forward or backward in this universe. Yes, his pain was intense enough for him to finally cry out for help but apparently not dire enough for him to reveal his heart and actually let go of his control over his life.
Pity the man or woman who has such a high threshold for pain that he or she never says to Jesus, Here’s my heart, Lord! I trust you more than I trust myself! Direct my paths. Please.
This encounter with George bumps up against a truth that has come up before at DTFL: The Presence of an other is required for growth. Space cannot be manufactured in solitary confinement. We need someone with us to knock on the door of our closed hearts and One who can open it. We need a shoulder to cry on. A listening ear is required before we will stop going it alone. The power of the Leakage and the Volcano will lessen only if we summon help to open the Well of transparency and truth. We must have someone we will dare to trust.
The daunting obstacle is that opening the heart often feels impossible when there has been severe or repetitive past abuse and trust in others is nonexistent. Even trust in God might be severely limited leading some to wonder where God is and why He is not hearing prayers or helping to relieve suffering. Some will be so hypersensitive to shame and condemnation that through their inaccurate filters they will be far too quick to interpret hurt as harm and correction as condemnation and even healthy guilt as shame. When these misinterpretations abound, a person eventually will trust no one.
Is it any wonder that so many people shun the therapy journey and, even more tragically, refuse to approach the loving God for help? Unfortunately, these individuals lock themselves in a dungeon of their own making. Let me correct that. Others who have harmed them directly or indirectly help construct the dungeon of pain and hiding but the wounded individual is the one who shuts and locks the door against help.
There is a very dangerous point where healthy self-protection becomes over-protection and seeking safety becomes isolation and fear of some people becomes a fear of all people. Choosing to be alone, the harmed and wounded individual now suffers in at least two ways: from the original infliction of pain; but now also due to capping the Well of transparency and neediness so that everything remains inside only to Leak out and Volcano forth in damaging ways.
No one grows in the dungeon of aloneness. Anyone who remains there is soon deadened by mushrooming isolation, unresolved pain, and the coping skills to numb it all. No inner space remains. It is all occupied by the original pain, by stubborn self-sufficiency, and by the symptoms produced by suppressing the original pain: obsessions, anxiety, depression, mania, addictions, numbing distractions, volcanic rage, passive aggressive behaviors, etc.
Fortunately, George did eventually lower his resistance. One of the reasons for this positive movement was that he began to trust my consistent presence. He came to believe that I would never leave him or suddenly change in some negative way when I saw the mess inside of him or when he became angry with me. He began to experience me as a meager shadow of the faithful and merciful God.
Another reason George began to allow me into his private world where he had languished so alone for so many years was because he learned that opening the door of his heart carefully and slowly would not unravel him psychologically and send him to the psych ward if . . . someone accompanied him on the journey. It was not an easy journey, of course, for it is undeniably true that the heart rages more fiercely in the inner space than the fiercest ocean tempest and thrashes more wildly than the mightiest crocodile. Yes, the heart is capable of great good and unfathomable destruction.
George’s anger toward himself increased. Anger at me increased. Anger at God increased. But rule number one to remember when opening the ancient door of the heart is that it will always be messy—like childbirth. Anger often comes first and is the icebreaker for other, more fragile emotions that invite intimacy.
How wonderful and inviting it is what Jesus says to the sinful and the messy in Matthew 11:28ff: Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Jesus invites us to come as we are. There is no need to clean ourselves up or create space in our strength. He commands us to come because He will give us rest and we will learn from Him how to deal with our heart burdens. As the author of Presence, He understands that alone we are incapable of creating psycho-spiritual space. We need others. Ultimately, we need Him.
If you are at a place in your journey where you feel like you’re going backwards, where your symptoms are increasing, where the Leakage is high volume or the Volcano is always seconds from erupting, where you seem to have no inner space to grow, or where you feel all alone—divorced from the Presence of God and others—move toward. Cry for help. Ask God for the desire to seek help. Ask God to break down your pride and the lie that you will not be loved if you are seen and known by Him and by those who are filled with His love.
God’s word says, For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the LORD . . . Jeremiah 29:11ff.
His word also says, Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ ~ Galatians 6:2. God commands us to seek Him and other men and women to help us in our growth out of darkness and into the Light. No depth of inner space will be created if we don’t turn to God and others for help.
Never overlook the power of Presence (its opposite is separation and aloneness). A friend, a pastor, a trusted therapist can be someone who, with the assistance of the Holy Spirit, will put out the fires that burn in the width of your heart and help evict unwanted tenants so there will be space inside you to grow in depth. New occupants can then move in: Love, joy, peace . . .
Jesus is the creator of Presence. Seek after it even if it is the hardest thing you will ever do. Start with the Holy Spirit or start with a human who knows how to love you.
George was glad he did—in the end. Once again, remember the old saying, There is the pain of deep growth and the pain of staying the same. Either way, there will be pain.
Choose the pain that produces the fruit of growth instead of the pain that leads to death.
Inner space. It is more beautiful than the splendors of outer space. Trust me. It is also more difficult to travel to and is reserved only for those who choose to not remain in the outside space. The deepest peace and the greatest love are to be found in the regions of inner space where we encounter the Spirit of Jesus and the love He grows within us. For those who choose the difficult path of the upward climb, Jesus’ love will grow down to unfathomable depths in our souls that you could never imagine. Forever.
He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me ~ Psalm 18:19