BP52
(It is highly recommended that you read BP51 prior to this post)
In BP51, we looked at 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 with a view toward identifying some of the ways Satan manipulates false arguments, lies and towering prisons of thought to distort our knowledge of God—both intellectually and relationally.
In this blogpost, I will briefly review some of what was discussed last week and then continue to explain one of Satan’s favorite strongholds that he uses to oppose our relationship with the heavenly Father: wrong thoughts about God. I will begin with a question that needs to be answered by the followers of Jesus.
How can born-again believers know sound theology in their minds but in their hearts still experience God as distant, critical, condemning and largely untrustworthy?
To partially answer that question today, I’m going to briefly address ONE of the mind prisons in 2 Corinthians 10 that wars against our experience of the Father’s Presence, namely, transference.
How many of you have heard of transference? If you think that modern psychology discovered the concept of transference, you are mistaken. It has long been a jagged knife used by the enemy of believers to slash and gouge at their knowledge of God.
I define transference as directing unresolved emotions and dynamics from a past relationship onto a person in the present. Today, I want to specifically address how adult children might transfer dynamics from their relationship with their earthly fathers onto the heavenly Father–resulting in distorted thoughts and heart knowledge of God.
Let me say at the outset that I’m not here to blame earthly fathers. Not at all. Jesus came to love and restore . . . not to condemn and tear down. Blaming only keeps us stuck as we point the finger outward instead of inward.
However, I do not want to ignore the impact of an abusive or emotionally unhealthy father—especially if Satan uses that father to distance you from your heavenly Father through hell’s dark vessel of transference.
Authority issues with an earthly father can be especially massive and lead to significant problems later. If unresolved emotions and beliefs related to the father are not addressed, you will transfer authority issues from your father to bosses, law enforcement personnel, pastors, and sadly, to God the Father.
Due to transference, you may find yourself bristling against the word of God. You might even seek to deconstruct its authority by embracing the false opinion that the Bible was written by a bunch of patriarchal fanatics whose life mission was to control the lives of others with guilt and sexism.
In the most tragic scenario, transference might lead you to feel so estranged from your heavenly Father that you will walk away from Him and hitch your wagon to godlessness.
As we talk about transference, it is critical to understand that sometimes a person’s resistance to God is not so much about theological unbelief as it is about emotional and relational pain inflicted by a human father that is later superimposed onto God. The source of this resistance must be identified and deconstructed, or you might miss out on the deepest eternal joy in the universe.
I’m going to list several types of father experiences briefly and develop one more fully. None of these may describe your father but looking at them may help you understand how individuals—even some unbelievers you know–transfer their negative father experiences onto God. The result is a distorted knowledge that translates into distance, distrust and possibly even . . . a burning hatred of the divine.
Okay, then, what are some father experiences that are excellent fodder for transference onto God? Father fodder. Ha. Say that quickly five times.
* The anxious father might be transferred onto the heavenly Father so that God is seen as a powerless figure who wrings His hands over the presence of evil.
* The passive father makes God the Father feel like a weak, irrelevant presence.
* The needy father who is jealous for attention and demands to be glorified, as it were—he can be transferred onto God so that the heavenly Father’s desire for glory and worship is seen as flowing out of fragility, weakness, and narcissism.
* The irrationally angry father is unreasonable, authoritarian, controlling and has an unpredictable rage that builds to a boiling point until it is triggered merely by the child’s presence. When this father is transferred onto God, the heavenly Father becomes a God of wrath who is about as desirable as a needle stabbed under your fingernail.
* The absent father is emotionally distant, distracted, possibly avoiding his wife and children by hiding in his man cave, infamous for avoiding relational issues, addicted to pornography or an affair, divorced. He is maybe even a godly man on an important mission for God whose ministry is he first spouse. When this father is transferred onto God, the heavenly Father is experienced as totally transcendent and unavailable. The child of the absent father may feel abandoned and unloved. (Here we possibly encounter the daughter of Billy Graham, Ruth, who searched for her absent father in four marriages.)
* We could also talk about the schizophrenic father or the stone-faced/coldhearted father or the comedian father who can never be serious.
But let’s develop one type of father in more depth: The Shaming Father.
This man can feel omniscient and omnipresent to the child, never missing a thing. He is critical, perfectionistic, performance-based, a binocular parent watching you closely so spot every mistake you make. In the worst scenario, he makes the child into a personal scapegoat. He projects his own badness and unhealthy shame onto his child just as the Israelites laid the sins of the people on their scapegoat who was then driven into the wilderness with its terrible burden.
Ungodly shame—Satan’s version of Godly sorrow–is a deadly legacy in many families, transmitted from one generation to the next. It might stretch back 200 years in some family systems and is usually the consequence of hidden sin. Multiple generations of transmitted shame and badness will crush the child who is selected as the designated repository. Some young adults suicide to escape the unrelenting and inescapable badness. I’m talking about Christian adult children here.
Allen had a shaming father who chose to punish his no good third grade son for his lower score in school conduct. He called Allen names, beat him, and made him cut the grass of their sizeable yard with a straight-edge razor.
Listen to what Allen had to say about his father’s shaming presence 50 years after he died:
My father still speaks to me within my conscience and tells me that I have been summoned, that I am standing once again before him . . . giving an account of myself, that I will be found wanting, still after all these years . . . and that this judgment will be binding on my view, that I shall not now or ever be permitted to regard myself as innocent or worthy. . . His denunciation yields guilt and anxiety, tends to drive me out of human society into the wilderness alone [notice how he became the scapegoat], thereby to confirm ever more deeply the image of myself as unworthy to live with others, having nothing to say, deserving of no recognition. To accept that image altogether is to die . . .
What is Allen’s potential distorting transference onto God? Allen does not specifically refer to transference onto God, but he clearly would have experienced God as the omnipresent and omniscient shaming Father in heaven who was waiting to pounce on him whenever he sinned or received a low score in conduct. Because God is rich with condemnation and bereft of mercy, Allen must hide from Him.
Allen can never let God see his true self. He might try his best to be a good Christian, but it will never be enough to undo his badness or ward off God’s condemnation. So why even try? He can never be good enough.
From what I know about Allen Wheelis, he indeed did not attempt to walk with God the Father.
What divine weapons alluded to in 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 might undo Allen’s distorted transference?
The gospel of Jesus Christ is a weapon that tells Allen the truth about himself. Yes . . . he is a sinner, but he is saved from all condemnation by the grace given to him in Jesus Christ.
Also, the Holy Spirit living within His heart comforts Allen with this truth: For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, ‘Abba (Daddy), Father!’ The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are beloved children of God.
Sadly, it appears that Allen never experienced a third weapon, namely, a godly father figure who was kind, patient and loving—a godly man who would lead him to a much more accurate view of his heavenly Father. A spiritual father like Paul was to Timothy.
What are six take-aways related to the war on Presence that you might be able to apply to your own life?
- Know the war within between the Kingdom of Light and the kingdom of darkness, between the Presence of God and separation from God. Your knowledge of God both in your mind and heart will always be fiercely opposed. . . Do you live with an awareness of this opposition?
- We have discussed sins of the fathers–what are the sins of the adult child? Rehearsal of the father’s sin until it is memorized forever . . . nursing a spirit of unforgiveness . . . bitterness that blossoms into contempt . . . stonewalling . . . even personality disorders. Consider this possibility: Just as important to your growth as remembering and dealing healthily with your father’s sin against you is how you chose to respond to that abuse as a child. Sometimes the very coping skills that helped you survive when you were young now imprison you in a state of nongrowth as an adult. These skills might be passive aggressiveness, external compliance that is only a thin veneer over defiance, hiding, addictions, perfectionism, being nice, even vows such as I will never trust a man or need a man–or the heavenly Father.
- Every earthly father has feet of clay. Few of them were born on third base. View them with as much mercy as you are able. But it is still essential that you identify any unresolved wounds from your father. Move toward your father if it is wise and safe to have an honest conversation with him and so begin the journey of forgiveness so you can avoid passing on the generational legacy/stronghold in your family. Turn the Titanic. You can’t do that sleeping in a deck chair on the ship. Unfinished business—especially with larger-than-life unhealthy fathers–will be transferred forward to other authority figures including God Himself.
- Develop the weapons that have divine power to undo Satan’s distortions and lies–amazing weapons like prayer. The good news of the gospel of Jesus. The belt of truth. The mind of Christ. The Holy Spirit who teaches and counsels us. Spiritual fathers and mothers and brothers and sisters who can help heal our distorting transferences onto God.
- Never ignore the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God. This unique sword offers us a myriad of references to the truth about God that shred the deceptions of darkness: For example, In Isaiah 49:14 the people of Zion declare, “The Lord has forsaken me; my Lord has forgotten me.” But God goes on to address this distorted view, this lie about Him. He says, “Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands . . . “ Also consider Psalm 27:10 which represents anti-transference: For my father and mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in.
- If you experience major transference that interferes with your closeness to God the Father, study Jesus. Remember the striking availability of the Father in the Son. Jesus is the good news. He told us that he who has seen Me has seen the Father! When we look at Jesus, father distortions are replaced by truth, lies are undone, and intimacy with God becomes attainable. Transference is destroyed.
- Thank God for fathers who strive to be like Jesus! Be grateful for all men who live to serve and love and sacrifice in the same way Jesus did for us!
As we close, let’s look at an amazing encounter Jesus had in Luke 7:36-50.
A prostitute enters Simon the Pharisee’s house where Jesus is reclining at the table to eat supper. Why is she there in a room that is most likely full of men? She has already heard the good news from Jesus–maybe even earlier that day as a member of the crushing crowd–that invites her to draw near to God who will wash away all her sins. She has now come to seek out Jesus individually.
Backing up just a bit, I have little doubt that this young woman grew up with an earthly father who was shaming, angry, emotionally distant, and rejecting. Possibly even religious. Her subsequent transference onto other men was that she would never be good enough to be chosen. So, the only way she could experience the presence of men was by selling herself as an object of pleasure for them.
Her transference from her earthly father onto the heavenly Father was probably similar: God was angry with her, had turned His back to her shameful behaviors, and spoke only condemnation over her due to her sinful vocation. She could never approach God because she was far beyond forgiveness and cleansing.
So, when she heard Jesus’ message of the Father’s mercy toward sinners—the miraculous news that destroyed her transference of condemnation and shame onto the heavenly father—light suddenly began to shine in the eternal night of her life.
The gospel was such an amazing joy to this previously hopeless and lonely woman that she could not help but weep with gratitude as she approached the reclining Savior. The repentant tears of this born-again woman fell like drops of love on the feet of Jesus. Totally surrendering her heart to the worship of her Savior, she wiped them off with her hair!
Men had invited her to approach them many times in the past, but only to use her and then send her away carrying the shame and sin of both her and her adulterous partner.
God the Father in Jesus also beckoned the young woman to approach Him—not to be used but to be cleansed and remain in His house forever as His beloved daughter—adopted and precious to her new Dad.
Can you picture that scene? What an amazing portrayal of a lowly and contrite woman who came into a room of men and saw only Jesus—the One who forgave her sin and set her free from Satan’s lies and distortions. Here we have one of the most powerful stories of forgiveness and faith in all the Bible. We also witness an amazing portrayal of how Jesus destroys the transference of lies and distortions onto His Father that discourage sinners from approaching their loving Creator.
So, always remember that open war is upon you. It manifests in so many forms beyond simply outward, blatant sin and idols. Are you someone who wants to live in peacetime so badly that you largely ignore the internal battle for your mind and heart?
Or are you focusing so much on the political and cultural issues of this world that you are ignoring the siege ramp of lies and distortions that the enemy is building toward a total invasion of your heart and mind?
No, don’t be ignorant of the battles around you in this world. However, begin where the fiercest and most terrible war rages: inside your own heart over the Presence of God. Identify and remove anything and everything that opposes your loving relationship with the Father by using the weapons that God has provided.
Above all, look to Jesus, the One—who on behalf of the Father—calls us . . . friend.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight [false arguments, thought prisons, proud obstacles, fortresses, transferences], and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith . . . Hebrews 12:1,2