BP62
Have you ever heard of the Kola Superdeep Borehole? I hadn’t until recently. In 1970 (or possibly 1965), Russian scientists on the Kola Peninsula near Murmansk decided to drill a deep hole into the earth for research purposes.
Accounts vary, but it appears that after 24 years of boring into the earth’s mantle, the Kola project was abandoned when the drill bit could no longer withstand the intense heat and pressure it encountered at increasing depths. When everyone walked away from the project, the 9” diameter shaft they had drilled was 12.7 kilometers deep (approximately 40,230 feet or 8 miles). That’s one impressive borehole!
The Kola Well, as it was called, remains the deepest hole that has ever been drilled into the crust of the earth. The project cost $100 million (about $2500 per foot) and only penetrated a distance of 0.002% toward the center of the earth. Talk about scratching the surface! Of course, unlike Jules Verne, the goal of the Russian scientists never was to reach the center of the earth.
An interesting side note is that an urban myth was born from the Kola Superdeep Borehole project. Basically, the myth purported that the Soviet scientists had drilled so deep into the earth that their drilling apparatus broke into a chamber of fire in Hell from which the sounds of demonic laughter could be heard through a microphone. The borehole was subsequently dubbed the Well to Hell.
So, we know that the earth has an eight-mile-deep borehole in its crust along with many other lesser shafts dug for the purpose of precious metal mining, oil and gas extracting, and geological study—to name the primary reasons.
But did you know that every human soul also has boreholes?
Some of these holes run incredibly deep into the human subterrain. I refer to them as soul mineshafts (SMS). They dot the internal landscape of the human psyche and range figuratively from several feet to ten miles deep. Unless you encounter a mineshaft deeper than a mile, you probably never even notice them.
The metaphor I use when I refer to soul mineshafts is to picture yourself walking along through life when you step on some rotten boards, and they collapse beneath your weight. Suddenly, you find yourself disoriented as you plummet down into the inky black of a subterranean hole.
So, what is a soul mineshaft? Ever since the fall of humanity back in the garden, these spiritual and psychological boreholes have riddled every human heart. They are the result of the absence of God and the presence of sin.
As we walk through this present dark age of fallenness and are impacted by other humans and life events, some of these soul holes are deepened even further. They are impacted when we are sinned against by others (e.g., physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual abuse, neglect, shame) and also when we practice sinful behaviors, thoughts and attitudes that harm not only others but our souls as well.
Let me describe a soul mineshaft from a real person.
Nicky grew up in a house where her father was prone to sudden explosions of anger that led to frequent epic conflicts between him and Nicky’s mother. Occasionally, Nicky was the focus of her father’s rage, but most often she was ignored while her parents enacted and reenacted their daily fights that never seemed to resolve anything. Loud, raging conflict was the norm in the Jones’ household.
One summer during a tense family camping trip to Yellowstone National Park, Nicky’s ten-year-old mind made a stunning discovery: her father and Old Faithful, the famous geyser, were a lot alike. Both would erupt anywhere between durations of 30 and 120 minutes. Both were scathingly hot. It was as if her father had an emotional geyser deep inside him that would build up even without outside stress and then regularly explode. Nothing could prevent his angry gushing.
Inspired by the amazing parallels between the iconic hot water spring and her father, Nicky decided to do a project on geysers for her fifth-grade science project in the fall after the summer camping trip to Yellowstone. With her father’s help—ironically–she built a rudimentary replica of Old Faithful that spewed steaming hot water every hour.
The placard that accompanied Nicky’s miniature version of Old Faithful read: Wikipedia says that a geyser is a spring characterized by an intermittent discharge of water ejected turbulently and accompanied by steam. As a fairly rare phenomenon, the formation of geysers is due to particular hydrogeological conditions that could exist only in a few places on earth. Generally, all geyser field sites are located near active volcanic areas, and the geyser effect is due to the proximity of magma.
Secretly, in her dairy, Nicky recorded a slightly altered version of the geyser definition: A father is a scary person characterized by an intermittent discharge of anger ejected turbulently and accompanied by hot steam. As a fairly rare phenomenon, the formation of an angry father is due to particular conditions that could exist only in a few places on earth. Generally, an angry father is located near active volcanic areas, and the angry geyser effect is due to the proximity of magma [or a daughter who is unlovable and bad].
In summary, Nicky’s father was a volcanic geyser that, in turn, plummeted Nicky into an emotional mineshaft of fear and shame. When her father acted out, Nicky acted in. In her deepest mineshaft—as reflected in her diary entry–she believed she was the cause of her father’s anger and saw herself as unlovable and bad beyond imagination.
Nicky’s childhood experience involved more than just her father’s unpredictable rages, however. The overall family dynamics were more complicated. Her father would vent his explosive emotions toward his wife who, then provoked, would heat up quickly and spew emotion back at her husband and, occasionally, at her daughter.
Invariably, Nicky was caught in the parental crossfire either directly or indirectly. Simply being exposed to the volume of her parents’ verbal tirades was like living in a war zone. Many nights she struggled to fall asleep as the shells of anger exploded not far from her bedroom bunker.
The collateral damage to Nicky climaxed one August when she yelled back at her mother in a moment of extreme stress, acting out instead of acting in. Her mother immediately clammed up and did not speak with her daughter for two weeks—the ultimate silent treatment.
In the beginning of September, only a month after her indiscretion, Nicky was abruptly exiled to a boarding school in New Jersey. She never saw it coming. She was gone for twelve months.
The unspoken message Nicky heard from her mother that piggy-backed on the geyser of her father’s anger was that she—the daughter–was the problem. Dad was never sent away. Mom never left for more than half a day. But Nicky, she had to be sent away for a year! She was undoubtedly the bad one who was the cause of the family chaos.
When Nicky graduated from high school, she couldn’t get out of her parents’ house fast enough. She chose a university on the west coast, as far away from her parents as possible. But every once on a while, even thousands of miles away, she would step on the old, rotten boards that covered the mineshaft and she would tumble into the darkness once again.
Nicky’s deepest mineshaft was triggered when she sensed that others were angry with her—a roommate, a professor, the pastor at her church who was a powerful father trigger, the barista at the coffee shop. When she perceived the anger of others, she felt and believed that she was all bad and would be abandoned by everyone around her. Ultimately, she would be sent away.
When she hit the bottom of that ten-mile-deep shaft, Nicky found herself in total emotional darkness. She felt condemned. She was a mistake. Everyone was better than her. She didn’t fit in anywhere. She was an alien. Everyone was bad. She was bad. The world was bad.
At these moments, if she ruminated on the past, she was a mistake. If she contemplated the present, she was different than everyone else—even twisted. If she anticipated the future, the verdict was that she would be alone.
In the world of psychology, we refer to this ‘A’ or ‘F’ thinking as splitting. Nicky could not view herself (or others) as a mix of good and bad at the same time. She was either one or the other—there was no middle ground. When she was bad, therefore, she was all bad with no redeeming attributes. That was the message she heard and the belief she embraced at the bottom of the lonely and spooky mineshaft.
Other things that triggered Nicky’s soul mineshafts were when she didn’t get an ‘A’ on an exam, or she did something that she found appalling, or she woke up in the night and found herself all alone, or she felt overstimulated by too many stressors coming at her at the same time, or the noise level in her environment was too much for her.
Performing at a lower level than she had expected undermined her compensatory perfectionism designed to make her feel that she was not less than others.
When she did something that she perceived was bad or sinful, she often felt like she had not simply made a mistake—she was a mistake.
Being alone in the middle of the dark night was a vulnerable time when the old accusation hissed in her ear: Remember, Nicky–you are unlovable. Is it any wonder you are alone?
If more than two or three problems confronted her at the same time, her frail ego would decompensate quickly, and she would feel overwhelmed and weak—far behind everyone else who seemed to navigate the pressures of life better than her. They were resilient; she was fragile.
When her college friends were too loud or she attended a sporting event where there was a lot of high decibel cheering, Nicky would feel uneasy or downright anxious. It wasn’t until years later that she connected her aversion for loud noise to the screaming and general chaos she endured every day as a child in her parents’ house.
Like Nicky, we all have soul mineshafts. They exist because of the fall of humankind that fractured and perforated the human soul. Later, they are drilled even deeper by our own sin, by the sins of others against us, by the voice of human shame, and by the accusations of the evil one.
Psalm 40:12 speaks of the fallout from being sinned against as well as our own sin: For evils have encompassed me beyond number; my iniquities have overtaken me, and I cannot see; they are more than the hairs of my head; my heart fails me.
Speaking of the future fall of Satan, the book of Revelation comments on our enemy’s dark impact on soul mineshafts: And I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, ‘Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God’.
Lastly, our own internal shame can be a contributor to our soul mineshafts: For whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything ~ 1 John 3:20.
Is it possible that some of you have never fallen into a SMS? Maybe. Probably not. I believe everyone has encountered a soul hole at one time or the other. Some men and women experience them monthly while others live at the bottom of these dark shafts. Different things can trigger a mineshaft experience, some of which may seem totally unrelated to the content of the mineshaft. Sometimes, the darkness that is triggered feels oddly disproportionate to the stimulus that sends the person into the psychological borehole.
I have already mentioned Nicky’s soul mineshaft triggers. Here are a few more examples of real-life people, their triggering stimuli, and what they experience in that dark pit. We will not take time here to explore issues of transference or projection.
Bill falls into a soul mineshaft when his wife is not responsive to his overtures for sexual intimacy or when she even turns a cold shoulder to his invitation. At these times, Bill feels alone, rejected, and ashamed. He also feels very young.
Ariana breaks through the rotten boards and plummets into her deepest mineshaft when she binges on chocolate and other sugary foods. At these times, she feels gross—even monstrous.
The mineshaft becomes Rachel’s hellish abode whenever she looks in the mirror and perceives that her nose is far too big for her face and her hips are too wide. She ends up hating her body and entertains an impulsive urge to cut herself. She fights off the urge but later burns herself instead.
Noah finds yet another way around the protective hedge of his online purity software and views pornography for the third time in the same day. He falls into his darkest borehole where he is all alone with condemnation and a gnawing doubt that he is even a Christian. He attempts to hide from God and others behind a smiling mask while inside he feels like a distorted pile of putrid flesh.
Julia experiences her social anxiety whenever she is around more than one person at a time. She hates feeling so weak. She especially abhors herself for the panic she feels when she even thinks about getting up in front of others to speak. She used to be able to do that with no problem. What is wrong with me now? she wonders. I’m fundamentally flawed! Julia descends into the darkness of accusations and copes by escaping into yet another new series on Netflix.
Sean can’t control his video game addiction and he despises his lack of self-control.
Mandy struggles with fantasies about her best friend, Natalie.
Kaitlin is obsessed with jealousy over her roommate’s recent engagement to Joe.
Garrett feels totally insecure whenever his girlfriend gives another guy attention.
Skylar is far too easily overwhelmed by the daily challenge of raising two young children and feels like her husband is secretly disgusted with her inabilities as a mother.
Corey has flashbacks of his childhood abuse whenever he is around young kids, or smells certain odors, or finds himself in a dark room.
All these triggering stimuli hurtle the individual into the soul mineshaft.
Most of these individuals (not all because some have learned unhealthy escape room cheats that focus on dissociation, distractions and blaming others) end up in mineshafts of shame, condemnation, negative self-talk, splitting, anxiety, and badness. God feels a million miles away.
Some shafts are only ten feet deep. Others drill ten miles deep into their human host. Intense emotions and soul-shattering accusations related to oneself and God dwell in these dark pits.
A few of the mineshaft experiences last for only moments or possibly even a fleeting second or two. Others imbalance the person for days or weeks at a time, totally altering the individual’s perception of self, others, and God. Shame, trauma, rejection, abandonment, and rage always lurk at the bottom of these dark pits.
Some mineshafts are not so deep and only trigger obsessive thoughts of badness and a fleeting sense of shame while others have the intensity to usher in a hurricane of despair, mental illness, aloneness, self-injury, and, in the darkest place, impulsive suicide attempts.
So what should you do about your own mineshafts? Below are a few things to know before you fall into any mineshaft but particularly into your deepest borehole where death lurks:
+ The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwell in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shone. . . . For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace ~ Isaiah 9:1,6.
Always begin with the truth that Jesus is the Light that penetrates the darkness of your deepest soul shafts. John says about Jesus that he is the true light, which gives light to everyone ~ 1:9. Whatever it takes, find him, seek him, practice knowing him. Darkness must flee before his glorious Presence.
Talk to Him moment by moment as if you are Jonah in the darkness of the fish’s belly (Jonah’s mineshaft): I called out to the Lord, out of my distress, and he answered me; out of the belly of Sheol I cried, and you heard my voice.
Cry out to the Father as David did in Psalm 40: I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.
Jesus says in Matthew 11:28, Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest, and in John 16:33 he says, I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
Jesus came to deliver you from the darkest mineshafts whatever the trigger might be or whatever accusations accost you in those places where you can feel so powerless and defenseless. He came to defend you against every shameful and destructive accusation designed to disqualify you or possibly even to kill you.
+ Jesus wants you not only to approach His throne of grace and mercy, but to also open your deepest soul shafts to other humans who wear your skin. You are not meant to walk alone as a believer in Christ. There is a reason God tells you to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near ~ Hebrews 10:24,25
+ A rule of thumb is to never react impulsively when you find yourself in a deep mineshaft. Give yourself time to come out of the mind and reality-altering soul hole before you do anything rash. Do not make life-changing decisions like moving, divorcing, taking a new job, changing your identity, or deconstructing your faith.
+ Always remember that Jesus does not want you in darkness. He does not want you to be buried in mineshafts of condemnation. Corrective guilt comes from him but never condemning shame. God will always point out your sin, but he will never point His finger at you and pronounce you unworthy of love and grace.
Embrace for dear life the truth of Romans 8:31,33-34: If God is for us, who can be against us? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.
+ Know that there may come a time when you need to invite a professional counselor or wise mentor into your mineshaft—someone with whom you can be totally transparent so that you can experience their loving presence. Shame and condemnation are usually lurking in the deepest boreholes of your soul. Love, mercy, and grace do not naturally abide in those hellholes. You need to intentionally invite the Holy Spirit (especially) but also a mature fellow believer into those lonely places. They will bring the attributes of a holy God into the darkest of your mineshafts.
+ Remember that the Designer Therapy for Life blogpost is built on the truth that Jesus is a personal, relational God. He came to remove all obstacles that stand between us and him including our separating sin, our psychological brokenness that leads us to hide and defend, the condemnation of others that prompts us to wear masks of falseness and exile our true self, and the accusations of the devil designed to drive us far from God’s love and grace.
Jesus came to deliver us from the mineshafts, boreholes, pits, and soul holes where we often find ourselves condemned to the utter darkness. So, don’t hesitate for a second. Cry out to him for help from the well of hell. He lives to rescue you. He promises that he will never leave you even when you feel left or think you should be left. He came to drive out all the darkness in your soul with the light of his Presence.
Learn to walk in the joy of his Presence.
But you are not in darkness brothers, for that day to surprise you like a thief. For you are all children of light, children of the day. We are not of the night or of the darkness. . . . For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ ~ I Thessalonians 5:4ff