BP 182
Have you ever wondered how Jesus received His name or need a reminder of what His name means? Let’s take a quick look at the gospel of Matthew for answers to both questions.
“Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit. And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly. But as he considered these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had spoken by the prophet:
‘Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son,
and they shall call his name Immanuel’ (which means, God with us).”
So, here we find our answers: an angel brought the name of the Messiah to earth from heaven and His name, Jesus, means, “The Lord is salvation.” The Son of God who came to the earth in the fullness of time appeared for the purpose of saving His people from their sins.
How did Jesus save us from our sins? By dying on the cross, of course. By paying the penalty for our sins as the perfect sacrifice, yes. But He also taught His disciples and the people of Israel and us what sin is. He clarified that sin is more than external acts but also internal thoughts, intentions, attitudes, and anger that manifests in bitterness and psychological murder.
“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift” ~ Matthew 5:21ff.
My question regarding this passage is why did Jesus instruct you to leave your gift before the altar and pursue reconciliation with your brother when it is he who has something against you?
I think the answer is found in the preceding verses where it says that you have actually been angry at your brother to the point of annihilation (murder), possibly insulting him, calling him names, and thinking privately that he is raca, which means “empty-headed,” an idiot. So, while you go on with your merry Christian life and go to church and worship Jesus, your brother remains angry with you because of how you treated him with anger or disrespect.
In a bit of a twist here, I would like to apply this passage to you adult children who continue to be angry with your parents—dead or alive. It could be both parents or it could be either your father or your mother. Your lingering anger might exist for justifiable reasons.
Maybe your mother treated you like the spouse your father was incapable of being. Maybe your father was narcissistic and reacted negatively every time you did not value him or praise him for what a good man he was to you. Possibly, your mother was emotionally fragile and so you had to take care of her making sure you never wounded her. Maybe your father was an alcoholic or a workaholic who had unpredictable fits of anger and who was emotionally unavailable to you.
So, you were (and are) angry.
How might you demonstrate this anger today? Jesus says that this ancient anger manifests when you insult your parent (directly or indirectly) or when you call them names (out loud or in your head). Not mentioned by Jesus, you might even express your anger passively by avoiding your parent(s) or giving them a cold shoulder when you are around them. Disrespect and dismissing them might be your practice—even hating them.
You also may not have forgiven your parent to this day—not really–maybe because they repeat the same behavior today that they demonstrated to you when you were a child. Rehearsing or nursing anger due to ancient or present-day parental behaviors is not God’s will for you.
But you being commanded to approach them seems patently unfair. Shouldn’t they approach you and ask your forgiveness for what they did to you when you were a child? Clearly, from this passage in Matthew, Jesus is instructing you to not go to church until you approach the parent who sinned against you and who you then sinned against in a way that fueled their anger toward you. He wants you to do all you can do in your power to reconcile with that parent and stop the anger ping pong.
In this vein, God tells us in Romans 12:18ff,
“Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
Calvin in his commentary writes about Matthew 5:23 and the command to reconcile: “Christ declares, that even the duties of religion are displeasing to God, and are rejected by him, if we are at variance with each other. When he commands those who have injured any of their brethren [or the parent who sinned against you], to be reconciled to him, before they offer their gift, his meaning is, that, so long as a difference with our neighbor [or parent] is kept up by our fault, we have no access to God. But if the worship, which men render to God, is polluted and corrupted by their resentments, this enables us to conclude, in what estimation he holds mutual agreement among ourselves.”
Calvin goes on to say, “. . . the words of Christ mean nothing more than this, that it is a false and empty profession of worshipping God, which is made by those who, after acting unjustly towards their brethren [parents], treat them with haughty disdain.”
I think Calvin is reminding us that the gospel of Jesus Christ is about the forgiveness of sins and that we need to forgive others as God in Christ forgave us even when we were dead in our sins. Your parents may still be dead in their sins, but you are called to leave the altar and go and reconcile to them as much as it is in your power. You cannot do their part, but you are called to do your part. Maybe you will heap burning coals on their heads and the Holy Spirit will use your loving acts to lead them to repent.
Also, remember that forgiving your parent(s) doesn’t necessarily mean you will trust them. You may need to erect strong boundaries with them and not trust them much until they are convicted to look inside and do their own journey of growth. Some of you may even need to temporarily distance from your parents due to their dangerous, toxic personalities.
But also consider, for some of you, that your lingering anger and bitterness may be based on distorted perceptions–at least to some degree. Yes, sometimes parents are as bad and sinful as you experience them to be. Sometimes perceptions and the lies of Satan are at play as well. My only hesitancy about writing this reminder is that I don’t want to collude with the gaslighting of some parents who attempt to confuse their children that they are all bad and the parents are all good. Pray for the Holy Spirit to give you discernment in this area.
Did you know that hidden anger, old bitterness and rehearsing the past sins of your parents, can lead you to experience mental illness and physical pain? OCD, depression, anxiety, addictions, and even cancer and heart issues can all result from having locked anger and bitterness and unforgiveness in the vault of your heart.
It is unhealthy for you as well as for others around you to swallow your anger and then go about your Christian life as if all is well.
No wonder Jesus wants you to surrender your anger to Him and pray for the Spirit to empower you to love those who sin against you.
Advent is about Jesus coming to save you from your sins. He demonstrated forgiving love to you, and He calls you to do the same. He saves you from your sins, and He calls you to forsake your sinful habits toward even your parents who have sinned against you. The gospel of grace that came at Christmas is not about what is fair, but about what is loving.
So, make this season about moving toward those whom you have possibly angered with your anger at their sin. Remember that hurt people hurt people. That could be your parents or even you. Don’t use your hurt as an opportunity to return hurt or to get revenge but to learn the humanly impossible habit of loving and forgiving even those who sin against you.
Even your parents. Especially your parents.
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise), ‘that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.’ Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” ~ Ephesians 6:1ff
“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil” ~ Ephesians 4:26-27a
“From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17-21
