BP 225
Do you ever walk down the street or on campus and try to look people in the eye? How has that worked for you? When I was in Sweden recently, I do what I always do, namely, walk down the street and look at the faces of people who are coming toward me on the sidewalk. Few people made eye contact with me. Most of them looked down, looked ahead, or were glancing at their phones.
Today’s post will briefly look at eye contact (pun intended). Let’s begin with some comments from people in the world that I randomly pulled off the internet.
“There is a saying, ‘Eyes are the windows to the soul.’ It means, mostly, people can see through someone else by eye contact in seven seconds. I have a habit that if I meet someone I don’t know, I’d like to look at her or his eyes on purpose. When my eyes lay on them, I can immediately see their true color” ~ Peng Liyuan
“Two types of people who can’t look at you in the eyes: someone trying to hide a lie, and someone trying to hide a love” ~ Unknown
“Eye contact is way more intimate than words will ever be” ~ Faraaz Kazi
“Sometimes you have to disconnect to stay connected. Remember the old days when you had eye contact during a conversation? When everyone wasn’t looking down at a device in their hands? We’ve become so focused on that tiny screen that we forget the big picture, the people right in front of us” ~ Regina Brett
After being with people in some type of counseling role for 40 years, I believe eye contact is critical to knowing someone. Just as dreams can be a road into the unconscious or the subconscious, so the eyes are a window to the soul as mentioned above, and the soul is the inner place where the individual is to be found in his or her truest form—their neediest form.
If you have done much reading in the Designer Therapy for Life blog, you have read that intimacy can be summed up with the words, “into me see.” Part of attaining that insight into people is through eye contact—not just glancing at their noses but looking into their eyes with the intention of reading their hearts, for the purpose of knowing them, to read their souls.
Personal coaches who train their people to be successful in this world might tell you to make eye contact to communicate confidence and to achieve your end, e.g., making the sale or convincing the other person that they should listen to your pitch. God tells us to look at people for a different reason.
Just look at Psalm 17:6ff:
“I call upon you, for you will answer me, O God;
incline your ear to me; hear my words.
Wondrously show your steadfast love,
O Savior of those who seek refuge
from their adversaries at your right hand.
Keep me as the apple of your eye;
hide me in the shadow of your wings . . .”
God looks at us with steadfast love and with the heart of a compassionate father. Understandably, then, He instructs us not to look at people so we can discern their weaknesses and to achieve the end we want–to get what we want from them. No, He desires us to look at others for the same reason He looks at us, namely, because He desires to show His steadfast love and to keep us as the apple of His eye—a special and beloved son or daughter. Should we not also look at people in the eye with the intention of loving them and letting them know they are special to God and to us?
Look at others in a way they will know they have been truly seen. When they leave your presence, they will perceive that you know them at the level of their souls.
A pastor from Bethany Bible Church said, “Jesus often surprised His disciples with the fact that He saw people differently than they did when they saw them. The disciples would look at the crowds of people gathered around the Savior; but all that they saw were the crowds. They were often pretty dispassionate about what they saw. Jesus, on the other hand, was moved deeply with compassion over what He saw – people who were “weary and scattered, like sheep without a shepherd” (Matthew 9:36). The disciples just saw some mobs of nameless people; but Jesus saw “fields … already white for harvest” (John 4:35). The disciples only saw hungry multitudes, and thought, “We don’t want to be bothered by all this. Let’s send them away so that they can go into the towns and villages and get themselves something to eat.” But Jesus was personally touched with the needs of the people that crowded around Him. He healed their sick and cared for their needs; and then told His disciples, “You give them something to eat” (Matthew 14:14-16).”
Jesus saw the individual. He looked into their eyes, faces, and souls and saw the deepest parts of them.
By looking people in the eye with love, we will be like Jesus. We will have His heart for people. We will see their needs, their hearts, and we will love them deeply instead of seeing them as inconveniences or passing targets of evangelism that we will forget as soon as we walk past them or away from them.
Be like two of Jesus’ disciples when they encountered a man in Jerusalem at the temple: “Now Peter and John were going up to the temple at the hour of prayer, the ninth hour. And a man lame from birth was being carried, whom they laid daily at the gate of the temple that is called the Beautiful Gate to ask alms of those entering the temple. 3 Seeing Peter and John about to go into the temple, he asked to receive alms. 4 And Peter directed his gaze at him, as did John, and said, “Look at us.” 5 And he fixed his attention on them, expecting to receive something from them” Acts 3:2ff.
Look at people the way Peter and John looked at the lame man. Direct your gaze at them and see what their eyes might be saying.
My challenge to you today is to not just look at people, but to intentionally see them. Look through the windows of their eyes down into their souls. See what their eyes are saying, hear the tone in their voices, study and interpret what their faces are communicating. See them with the end goal of knowing them. Maybe even try to hear what they’re not saying or what they are hiding behind their eyes.
Love them the way Jesus loves you.
So, the next time you walk down the street or sit across from someone at the coffee shop or read to your kids at bedtime, intentionally look into their eyes. Don’t just look at them. Work to see them, to hear them, to know them. When you’re in a line of people at a store, put your phone away and intentionally look at people. If they are not looking at you, pray for them. I often do that when walking down the street. I pray for their growth if he or she is a believer or I pray for their salvation if he or she has not believed in Jesus yet. (Of course, I don’t know which prayer applies to each person, but God knows.)
They may even sense God’s love because they have seen it in your eyes toward them. Even rules become relationship when those around you know you see them and love them first.
“For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to give strong support to those whose heart is blameless toward him” ~ 2 Chronicles 16:9
“For thus said the Lord of hosts, after his glory sent me to the nations who plundered you, for he who touches you touches the apple of his eye . . .” ~ Zechariah 2:8
I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you” ~ Psalm 32:8
“Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him, on those who hope for His lovingkindness . . .” ~ Psalm 33:18
“And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, ‘You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me’” ~ Mark 10:21
