BP 257
I believe we are born anxious beings. More than that, we are born afraid. We are afraid of many things like snakes, spiders, the dark, dying, death, storms, polar bears, and monsters under the bed or in the closet. But I think we’re most afraid of being alone. Being alone is one of the biggest contributors to anxiety (not always being alone on the outside but alone on the inside–how many of us know that we can be alone in a crowd). Separation anxiety is one psychological disorder that points to our fear of being alone, of being separated from someone we love.
Everyone is born alone in that we are born at enmity with and separated from our first Father–God. Fortunately, most of us have earthly parents who are there to welcome us into this world that is so filled with fear and anxiety. These parents teach us that we are not alone. They hold us, sing to us, feed us, smile at us, protect us, comfort us when we are afraid, and, most importantly, point us to our heavenly parent who will always be there for us when they die.
They teach us an experience often referred to at DTFL: presence.
It is such a tragic occurrence when the first people in our lives who are meant to soothe us and teach us how to trust are the very ones who are the biggest source of our fear and aloneness. Some of you know what I’m talking about.
Back to anxiety . . .
Anxiety is not an emotion. It is something we experience in our bodies and minds when our emotions are not accessible or we have been taught to divorce from our feelings. Maybe we are told by the people around us that emotions are selfish, are meant only for children, are signs of weakness, or are too much for those around us to deal with so we must deep-six them.
Some children don’t want to express emotions because sadness is a vulnerable experience and they have learned that to be vulnerable is dangerous. Disapproval, rage, or “the silent treatment” might be the consequence if they express emotions that the parents interpret as offensive to them. Other people are afraid of their own emotions because they feel so intense. They believe that their anger will destroy, and their tears will never stop. So, they shut them down and don’t feel anything.
Let’s face it, emotions are almost an art form. They are not tangible or black and white or experienced in the same way or at the same time by everyone. There is no formula as to what you should feel and what I should feel. That’s one reason why emotions are a bit vulnerable because someone else might not feel what you do and so you might fear that you shouldn’t feel what you feel because it will be strange, uncommon, or embarrassing.
The point I’m getting at is that if we largely suppress our emotions, access to our hearts will get shut down and then anxiety will increase because anxiety is the “symptom” that tells you that you are not functioning healthily and that you are alone inside with not just your emotions but probably also your thoughts and needs as well. You were made by God to be known and to be in relationship, so if you are hiding what goes on inside your heart, you are going against your own nature, what you were made for.
Anxiety will then wave in the wind like a red flag.
Thankfully, God’s word commands us to weep with those who weep and to be angry but not to sin. Fortunately, Jesus tells us to come to Him when we labor and are heavy laden even if what we are carrying might be fear, loneliness, rage, jealousy, or deep sorrow. Transparently, Jesus displayed His own emotions at the tomb of Lazarus where he wept and twice was “moved deeply in spirit” which is referring to something akin to groaning anger.
Isaiah 41:9b, 10, 13 tells us, “You are my servant, I have chosen you and not cast you off; fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, ‘Fear not, I am the one who helps you.’”
Psalm 27:5 says, “For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock.
Also, in Psalm 34:15, 17-19 we read, “The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous and his ears toward their cry. When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.”
Talk about being present with us. Here we see great “withness” and comfort. He is clearly Immanuel, God with us.
The Triune God is present for our fear, our anxieties, our aloneness. He knows what we experience as we see in Hebrew 4:15,16: “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
So, don’t hide from God or Jesus or the Holy Spirit. Be known. Be seen. Remember that anxiety is being alone and uncomforted, lacking presence. Anxiety happens when we are alone with our fears, sadness, anger, loneliness, jealousy, needs, longings, and our hunger to be seen. So, don’t hide. Don’t keep secrets. Don’t be afraid of shame or appearing weak and too needy. God does not want appearances or images or masks. He wants your heart, good, bad, and ugly.
We are born alone into this world and hope we have someone called parents who will love us and comfort us. Thankfully, many people have such parents. But even if you don’t have these front-line people to care for you, you have a heavenly Father who created you and loved you so much that He sent His only Son into battle for you; a battle where He knew His Son would die; a battle that would remove all barriers to you approaching His presence.
So, move toward Jesus and others, not away from.
Don’t be self-sufficient as if that is a desirable and healthy way to do life. No, self-sufficiency is a recipe for anxiety. Remember: anxiety is often a symptom of being alone. Don’t let Satan’s lies or your experience of shame cause you to cover yourself with layer upon layer of “protection.”
Do you recall what He so often says to you? Yes, “do not fear for I am with you.” And He also says, “Come to me.” So, draw near to Him in time of need and seek help and comfort. If you can’t admit your neediness and seek His presence, you will not know how to love yourself or others. Maybe the only prerequisite to be in God’s family besides believing in Jesus is to be needy.
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” ~ Matthew 5:3
“For thus says the One who is high and lifted up,
who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy:
“I dwell in the high and holy place,
and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit,
to revive the spirit of the lowly,
and to revive the heart of the contrite” ~ Isaiah 57:15
